Dating a 20 year old gay
We have been together 20 years. I am 48 and he is Neither does his father and step mother. His father is 18 years older than his step mom. He is 89 and she is They have been together 38 years. I KNOW that they still had an active sex life 5 years ago…. I am happy to say I know several other happy couples but I have made my point. I wanted to point out that it is not just a gay phenomenon. Because he's young and thin and cute. YAWN there are better more interesting things to talk about. And as far as this article, I think it would have been better if there was actual research involved instead of a just a personal story.
I'm willing to bet that most May December relationships don't last. Of course there are exceptions to everything, but I wonder what the actual statistics are for things like this? Yes, so what! I'm happily partnered to my best friend of 17 years and we have a 21 year difference. It is not for everyone and yes, if it is not your thing, please don't get involved in one. But, please do not judge others. Yes, there are health issues with both of us , but the same will happen in any long term relationship regardless of age differences or not.
If you love someone, you should always be very aware and accepting that you may have to care of them or their health will change or they may have to take care of you when your health is not its best. We will all get old, we will all get sick and GASP! The keys to any long lasting relationship is maturity mental maturity , the ability to adapt to the changes in the relationship as time goes on, a willingness to work together as partners notice I do not use spouses, BF's, etc. This is what works for my partner and I and yes, we will marry this year since it is finally legal for us to do so in our state.
Because it's much better to be forced to deal with your partner's "end of life" issues when you are simultaneously dealing with your own. The same principle dictates that having twins must be easier than having just one baby. My husband and I celebrate 7 years next month. He's 13 years older than me. And after what the world has thrown at us in that time with us still together, hard to think of what could push us apart. Boo hoo. Corkryn Williams I am saying stop romanticizing age differences for more than what they are.
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Having had someone quite a bit older than me asking, "Could you handle being with someone as old as I am? Ask any person quite a bit younger who has ever had to take care of someone older than them whether parents or grandparents. Think about your partner this great love of your life dropping dead years before you or being chronically needing care.
You've wasted the gold of your youth on this older man. You are now an older man trying to break into dating in a culture centered on youth. It won't end well and your feelings will get hurt. Ask any closeted individual who comes out at middle age just how accepting LGBT culture tends to be of older men. So you can wax sentimental all you want about age differences yet the truth of the matter is that it is quite hard to deal with huge age gaps in relationships. You presume too much. The word cynical comes to mind. I'm not saying their love is genuine or not i don't know them personally and neither do any of you commenting but if we are talking about generally, a teenager dating a 40 year old just doesn't sound cool to me.
Tom D. As a relationship or a partner of equals? My partner and I have a 26 year age difference and we have been together for 26 years. People who don't know us think he is my father until I tell them otherwise. That may have been your experience, it's not everyone's. Most of my relationships have been with men much older than me. But most of them ended for reason that a lot do. Different goals, too different in personalities.
My current partner is 13 years older. Yes, there are health issues. We deal. And while he is quite a bit like my father, I'm a bit like his too. It works for us. He's the first person I want to see in the morning and last at night and I'll be with him as long as I can. It's an observation. Relationships like this regardless of sexual orientation are unusual; and the age difference does become an issue when the older spouse eventually needs elder care.
There is nothing mean spirited in acknowledging reality. Most couples would like to grow old together, and spend as much time as possible with each other. Daniel English I understand everything you have stated here and years ago I would have agreed with you except for the fact that I always dated older men than myself. I was not looking toward a long future with them though.
Once I actually found love though, it made no difference what the age difference was and I would gladly deal with age-related issues to be with the man that I found a deep love with. Now that I have gotten a bit older I find myself in a relationship with a man more than 10 years younger than me. He and I have been together for nearly 7 years and been legally married for one.
True love crosses all boundaries if one is more interested in loving the person instead of their concept. As long as it's between consenting adults, whatever works for you works for you. The people who react negatively to things like need to get lives of their own. I had a relationship of sorts with a much much younger man. I wound up caring for him because of health issues.
It was not ideal, but something we probably both needed, and we did care for each other very much. Daniel English. Oh my you are one angry and pissed off boy. I say boy because no man would ever be as disrespectful as you are to all ages.
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Your lack of a love gene is your problem and for that my husband and I are very sorry for you. Your generalities and lack of social maturity is appalling. Get some education in all things. Especially respect to others and learn how to love who you are first. You obviously have so many self issues. Get some help..
The real rules about old and young you can date
Daniel English oh. I forgot how selfish you are. It is all about the "you" ,.. Would this "elder care" be pretty much like your parents are going to be? How your Grandparents are.. Is it the same thing that all couples that are committed to one another go through at some time in their lives.. IF they are committed and have a lifetime of love for one another. You know. Aren't these the SAME kind of relationships? I am assuming that some, or all , of these commenter are gay?..
If you are not gay then you have no business commenting I might say.. If you are. Nothing more. I married the love of my life on November 16th, We've been lovers and best friends since I'm 73 and he's The statement that love is blind certainly is can be true when it comes to age difference.
We live in Montana, so we had to drive to San Diego, Calif. It was well worth the trip. I have no objection to Age-Spread Relationships in principle. That said, on a case by case basis, I allow each relationship to show it's partners, me, and everyone else what it's made-of. Still, it's very sad when people choose partners with whom there's No Life-Bridging or Understanding or Shared Generational Experience. When I was 19 years old I dated a man who was 36 years my senior. We figured out fairly quickly that we were much better off as friends and stuck that way.
This man is still an integral source of friendship to this day. Being 22 years now I have found that most of my friends that were in my age bracket were way more accepting of both our relationship and our past then those that were closer to his age regardless of sexual orientation.
Just a little food for thought. Why is is okay for a straight couple to have huge age differences especially if the gal is way younger than the guy but as soon as it is an LGBT couple, it is creepy? It is not creepy, and I am glad for all of you who are in such great loving relationships! I know my partner and I have been together for 13 wonderful years, and I can't imagine my life without her!
My ex was 19 years older than me. It didn't work out but it wasn't the age thing. We WERE together for 14 years. Sometimes we grow apart, sometimes we grow together. That's all. Daniel English, by the looks and sound of it after seeing your pics and reading what you have to say, the only beings you'll be able to romanticize with for the rest of your life is your cats hope there's not a big age gap between y'all. Um… as much as I want to disagree with you, I think I must actually agree.
Teens simply aren't generally speaking developmentally matured enough to make serious life commitments. On the other hand, very often a lad will date a man, only to break up after not too long a time. And if they don't break up relatively soon, the longer they stay together, the more time the youth has to mature and, implicitly, make a matured decision to remain in the relationship. But again, on the face of it I think I have to reluctantly agree with you the "too much room for exploitation" part.
Tom Daley will be 20 in May. He is old enough to vote, old enough to serve in the military, and above the age of consent. He is capable of making his own decisions. I cannot imagine why anyone else feels entitled to judge his private affairs. People are entitled to find their happiness. I can see both sides of it. From the younger guy's perspective and I'm going to use dangerous generalizations and plausible theories like everyone else , he has the benefit of learning from someone with more life experience, and won't have to deal with the "flavor of the week" mentality the fledglings often have; "Oooh!
HE'S cute! I need to tap some of THAT! They have the kind of respect for another individual that others their own age can only read about and later deny it even exists. From an older guy's view, being with someone younger is a reminder that Age really IS just a number. Younger guys help older ones keep in touch with contemporary things like music, art, entertainment, and the financial and economic bullshit of today that effects THEM as opposed to US.
From a purely superficial point of view Daniel should appreciate this part , younger guys tend to be in better shape than older ones; few are the guys in their 50's who aren't overweight, balding, have bad teeth, and are gonna die soon anyway. And Daniel, I have a news flash for you- if you're in a LTR for a lifetime, then taking care of an ill or dying partner is part of that, and is age-gap-independent.
If you're whining about taking care of someone you profess to love, you're exactly the kind of twink I just referred to. Superficial much? My partner and I are 36 years difference in age. We have been together for almost 18 years and married 2 months ago in NY. Marriage has brought us closer together.
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Love has no age barrier, only people have made-up barriers to love. And who cares if your judgemental bitter self has objections or not. Perhaps a little bit of self awareness is in order. To end your posting by saying "Whom are we to judge? I'm in a straight relationship with a man 24 years my senior. I'm 45, he's Gay or straight, when you meet someone with whom you have a deep connection and so much in common in our case, reading, religion, political views… Heck, even careers: He's a retired English teacher and i'm a proofreader, and, no, we've only met in the past two years—he was never my teacher , as well as true respect for one another, the age difference is meaningless.
I am happier in this relationship than I have ever been in my life! What a fantastic article, such a beautiful couple with a touching story. My partner and I are actually thirty-four years apart as well! I never could understand how people can criticize something that hurts absolutely no one, I mean it seems to be done purely out of their own feelings of awkwardness within themselves.
Two adults should be allowed to be together; this strange land we are all apart of is complex, and love sometimes comes in unique forms. Why not open your mind to the uniqueness that appears time to time, instead of trying to shut it down because of your narrow perception of reality? Wake up. I posted directly to a comment above which discussed sex drive.
Many on this thread have talked about the younger person in the relationship having to take care of the older partner. This is not always the case. I will share my relationship and my in laws as examples of the opposite. He has had no health problems in our 20 year relationship. I have not been as lucky. He has had to take care of me on several occasions. On 2 occasions I was seriously ill for extended periods of time. His Dad is also in amazing health.
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He is going to be 89 in July. His step Mom is having her 70th on Feb 2nd.
She has been a long term survivor of active stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed at She has had good periods and bad. She has been on chemo so many times I cannot count. She goes on chemo like most people go on vacation. She is an amazing lady. His father has had to take care of her off and on for years. They are going old together. My husband has been blessed with familial long longevity. So it is a crap shoot how will be taking care of who…. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. My fiance dude is quite a bit older than me not a dude and we get all the same comments regarding age.
Some people have very good relationships with someone significantly older or younger than themselves, other people do not. The only time for anyone to complain is if the relationship, regardless of the age difference or lack thereof, is abusive. I made Legitimate Points of concern that have been Legitimate Points of concern over the Power-Inequalities and Developmental Issues inherent to these types of relationships since the beginning. And, to be fair, I made it clear that said types of relationships could go right too, but that there were risks inherent to them.
I'm going to copy and paste the comment I left on Karen Ocamb's blog. I first want to say, you were 28 and your partner was 62 when you met. That's different than 18yrs old and 38yrs old. So here is my copy and paste job,. Again, for myself I will say, It's not the age difference, it's not that Dustin Lance Black is to old.
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It's more like Tom is to young. The idea that Dustin Lance Black makes a habit of dating young men doesn't help either. We are not talking about liking blue eyes or tall men.
We are talking about sleeping with young men and teenagers. That is what I have a problem with. People keep lingering on the age difference thing! If Tom were say 21 and Dustin 41 I would think great for them. Now with Tom having been 18 and still in High School and Dustin 38 when they started dating. That's wrong in my eyes and it seems a little ephebophile to me.
A man of 38 should not take a teenager as a sexual partner. Any adult person with the sense God gave them would stop and look at the situation and say no. I think there is a difference in looking at an 18 year old and saying "I'm old enough to be your father" and looking at a 21 year old and saying I'm old enough to be your father!! Also, please don't just put out there how wonderful it is to have a lover twice as old as you are without considering the risk you put teens in.
Teenagers will look at this and say hey maybe that 40 something guy that buys me drinks in the club isn't that bad? Like they say he's older and knows more about life than I do. That's a good thing right? Or, maybe it's just a setup for tragedy. Maybe it's an older person with a problem, who can take advantage of the naivete of youth! Or do we not care about our young people anymore to warn them? I wouldn't put Dustin Lance Black in that category if he didn't have a history of dating guys much younger than him.
He can always stay one step ahead, or in this case 20 steps ahead of a younger mind. Don't even let yourself go there. Focus instead on being your best self, no matter what your age. And remember that the most important characteristics — loyalty, humor, intelligence and compassion — are ageless. If you think you're too old for love or you stopped believing that you can find someone to love who'll love you back, think again. Maybe you just stopped believing in the kind of naive love that you can only trust when you're young.
But what about the deeper, more mature love that allows for the wide spectrum of experience and truth? That's where you should set your sights. For every something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there's a something or a , or older-something man back on the market after a relationship ends.
One is learning the rules; the other has "been there, dated that" and wonders, "Now what? The truth is that you've earned your age. You really can own it. Focus on what you've gained — rich experiences, accomplishments, survivor skills and wisdom. Your next romantic partner will benefit from all of that, and from your passions for the life that's in front of you.
Give up wishing you could turn back time. Give up trying to be perfect, too, especially if that's a code word for "young. Instead of trying to be 25 again, get comfortable in your skin. Feel good about your body. That way, when someone touches you, they'll really feel you, and not a bundle of self-critical tension. Think more about keeping a sparkle in your eyes and less on fighting the fine lines around them. Does walking into a gay bar make you feel more out of place than Lady Gaga shopping for clothes at a mall?
Yes, it's true that the Olympic-sized pool of dating prospects you swam in years ago seems like a lap lane when you reach your 50s. So the best bet is to cast a wider net. Get off of the sideline and get involved in your passions and interests. For example, if you like the outdoors, join a gay hiking or walking group, and meet men while you get fresh air and exercise.
Focus on smaller parties, events centered on hobbies and interests, and volunteer opportunities. And, if you haven't already, try online dating, which is bringing new hope to those of us who don't have a ton of time or want to hang out at bars. Check out sites such as Match. Then create a profile that reflects who are you, what you want and includes recent photos. Don't post the online profile of Dorian Gray by showing off your shiny youth. When it comes to truth in advertising, it's one thing to shave a couple of years off. It's another to leave out an entire decade!
If you want a real relationship, then be real. Lying raises a serious red flag. Your date will wonder, "If he's not honest about his age, what other lies is he telling? One advantage of age is self-awareness. When you know yourself better, you can quickly size up what you want in someone else. Maybe you're more careful about first dates and immediately nix a pointless second night out. You're quick to assess if your date wants the same level of relationship as you, whether that's casual or committed.
You recognize dysfunction and mismatches faster now than you did when you were younger. But that doesn't mean you should be rigid and inflexible. Keep an open mind and try to expand your horizons. Chat with a guy who isn't your "type" and stretch your boundaries. And so what if he doesn't immediately strike you as hot and sexy?
Now it might be comforting to find a partner who can relate to your experiences and your outlook, and has the same pop culture references you do. It's also a good idea to ask your closest friends for regular feedback yes, ask them to give you input on your actions and choices , so you don't get stuck in your ways. Hey, you don't have to tell me it's tough being gay, single and over It's not like gay subculture has given us lots of happily dating, older gay male role models.